We share a lot in common with Santa Claus. We’re overweight (due to a love of cookies), have a red face (hypertension), and a white beard (stress). We also enjoy passing judgement on people and being jolly in public one day a year.
But we lack St. Nick’s prodigious gift-granting ability. It’s quite impressive, really, knowing just the perfect present for all true believers.
But we’ve made our list and checked it twice and here’s what we WOULD give some of Abington’s good boys and girls if we could.
[Note: we may make the original, much more snarkier version of this column available via NFT.]
For Town Manager Scott Lambiase – A green thumb, obtained by counting all the local tax revenue collected from cannabis sales; revenue that could amount to hundreds of thousands of dollars next year and even easily exceed a million dollars the year after that if all the planned marijuana-related businesses actually open and are halfway successful.
For the Abington Fire Department – A kind-hearted, altruistic Route 18 property owner who wants to donate several acres of centrally located land for a new fire department headquarters so that we have a better option than building a new station a quarter-mile up Gliniewicz Way.
For the Abington Police Department – A month-long, all-expenses paid voyage aboard the Mayflower 2 where department and union leadership can anchor in Provincetown Harbor and hammer out a Compact that enables a fresh start for department.
For Abington taxpayers – A talented, creative, energetic Town Planner who can help reduce the residential property tax burden by recruiting investment in the town’s faded centers, working with the new Union Point landmasters to finally kickoff that project, and attracting new commercial developments along Route 18 more valuable than the existing piles of dirt and mulch.
For Abington’s health officials – Job’s patience and the Dalai Lama’s inner peace as they start Year 3 of the pandemic and deal with persistent silliness.
For Abington’s teachers and administrators – 10 days of deep, thorough relaxation and rest, and a reaffirming understanding of how grateful we are as a community for all they’re doing for our children.
For Abington’s students – A return to normalcy, an appreciation of the scope of what they’re enduring, and an understanding that this is just a temporary blip in the general scope of their very long lives.
Abington’s youth and high school athletic programs – A continued emphasis on sportsmanship and integrity that has set Abington above its peers and ensured the town avoids some of those embarrassing headlines we’ve seen lately from other youth sports programs.
Abington’s drama and arts programs – A year of health so that the focus can be on performances, not safety protocols.
For Abington’s DPW crews – Fluffy snowfalls, self-sharpening blades, and a pack of border collies to keep the geese off the town fields.
For the Abington/Rockland Joint Water Works – A check for $20 million dollars from those responsible for contaminating our water supply with PFAS to cover the cost of upgrading the Hingham Street treatment plant.
For Abington’s volunteers – A continued sense of purpose and fulfillment in knowing all their efforts is what makes Abington a strong community and such a desirable place to live
For those who actually read Abington News articles, and don’t just comment without clicking – A high-five and double thumbs-up.
For everyone else – We hope you get all that you deserve.
Board of Health, 6 p.m., Town Hall. The agenda includes announcements from the health department, a discussion on COVID-19 safety measures, and the ongoing review of body art regulations.